Sydelle Ann

Nestled so close it is almost as if she never exited the womb. 

Breathing air but relying still on body pressed to body to provide comfort

Between two loving arms--soft pillows yielding rest

Such gentle sleepy baby noises betray her

All knows that she is succumbing to the depths of sleep.

Looking at her peace

I am lovesick for my own place of warm safety.

Waiting

Waiting with hope or waiting just to wait

Which am I

What am I waiting for?

Here I am in your power

In my own I am nothing

I am waiting for God's illumination

Striving to see Who He Is and What He Desires Of Me

I hope that His revelation will be soon 

And 

That it will be understood by me

That I will hear clearly 

And

That I will be obedient

Help me not to run ahead of You

Help me not to try and do things on my own

Help me to be content to:

Wait on You

Milk and Honey

I am weary

Isaiah 40: 31 tells me: "But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

Please renew my spirit and help me to mount up and press on. Forgive my weakness and please strengthen my faith. I miss my family.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 tells me: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place which I sent you into exile."

I know, Jesus, that This Place isn't your exile land for me. I know that in fact it is my land of milk and honey and yet I so often feel lost and alone. Help me to cling to Exodus 3:7.

"I have certainly see the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heart their cries of distress because of their harsh slave drivers. Yes, I am aware of their suffering." 

You delivered me to this land. Please help me to see it as a blessing. The blessing, calling, and privilege that it is.  Give me more grace and mercy when I rage against you and desire to have a comfortable easy life. For truly I desire to know you even more intimately and desire your will.

March 20, 2011

The bright coldness of the world startles and frightens me

The only place I can find warmth and peace is in Your arms

So hold me close to You, against Your very breast

Your arms surround my very being comforting my soul

Grace Grace glorious Grace

Giving me rest and calling my name
Daring me to step even closer
Yet my fears spook me away
I fear that my own darkness scatters all the desires far away

Come Lord Jesus to this day and take the shadows far away
I know that you desire for me to live in the light of your face 

Paige

I stopped sharing cuz you you stopped caring

In fact you leant toward mockery

I no longer choose to open my heart to mere ridicule

You were selfish and made foolish decisions

I thought I knew you but indeed you were not finished

When I read your pages I see how the plot twisted

Wisdom more than knowledge

Seeking wisdom

Seeking more than knowledge

Longing for the freedom of my boundaries

I desire to understand and be understood more by You

I know that this is also Your hope for me

I know that the price of following hard after You is well rewarded

My tears and fears are nothing compared to Your greatness in my life

I am humbled and do not understand why You love me so much 

Or why you let me be apart of Your work

Please continue to fill me up

Be my guide and give me what I need.

Running

As I sit and wait for my friend I am idle

Wistfully wishing that I had something to occupy my hands and my mind

But instead I am stuck

Without distraction to keep me from you

Your majesty is over whelming

So in my self preservation I attempt to avoid you

I know if I continue on this path of Encounter

There will be little of me left

But what is so bad about that?

I ask myself

Why should I not dive into that opportunity?

The answer shames me

I am afraid

Apparently the fact that I already live so far from all that is normal

Isn't enough to push me farther into your arms

What is wrong with me?

Psalm of Denise

I neglect your Word and turn my eyes upon the delights of mine own desires, my thoughts dwell in the places of mankind. 

Why do I constantly turn away from you?

 I know within myself that your goodness does not flow from these and yet I constantly stray from your fount. 

My deepest desire is to be a peace with you and to honor you, so why do I not do what will bring this about? 

Father, please turn your face from my despicable behavior and only return to me once I have returned to you, yet I fear just that. 

That you will finally give me a just punishment, yet your mercy and grace continually abound in my life and instead you remind me of your deep deep love and care for me. 

Oh, how can I bear this joyous burden? 

My soul doesn't know. 

Shall I weep in relief or in sorrow? 

For I  know I  do not deserve such goodness nor can I repay such a debt. 

Humbly I raise my hands in worship and surrender: Take life, forgive me for trying to live without you. 

Repair my heart and grant me wisdom to take each new step in accordance with your plans and not my own. 

Letting you have your rightful place as the author of my life for no one knows me like you do.